Hosed... the Conclusion!

Well, I’m back from my involuntary sabbatical. By involuntary sabbatical, I mean 90-day incarceration. If you recall in my previous post, I mentioned inviting a neighbor and her son over to “make amends” for “possibly injuring her”. As you can surely perceive, this was nothing more than a transparent attempt to avoid a potential lawsuit. While I still maintain I was not at fault, I’m not a huge fan of filing paperwork or confrontation (organized or otherwise). Anyway, for dinner, I made a terrific dish I like to call, “Chicken Nonsense” (if you’re interested, you can e-mail me for the recipe). I was setting the food out on the table, when her son accused me of cross contamination. I explained that while bohemians such as themselves probably only possess one cutting utensil in their house and must clean it thoroughly between uses, I had, in fact, an entire set of knives from which to pick and choose. This infuriated the son for some odd reason and he tried to snatch the knife away from me. A struggle ensued and, long story short, I had to get some stitches.

On the way out of the hospital I tried to steal some of the traffic cones from the hospital parking lot. A police officer saw me. I suppose I made things worse for myself when I panicked and drove off. As I looked back to observe the police officer’s progress I, T-Boned an ambulance. Fortunately I wasn’t hurt, but man, I would’ve hated to have been the people in that ambulance. So, 90 days later, here I am. Mr. Chappers is somehow still alive despite being alone for some three months and my contributions at work are so insignificant, that my absence was undetected.

This entire situation has made me realize just how sitcomical life can really be. Let us never speak of this again.