Hosed!

It's been snowing a lot here as of late and my back hurts from all this shoveling. I think I may have come up with an easy solution, though... I'll simply hose down my driveway. That's right. I'll dig out the garden hose, connect it to the spicket in the basement, turn the hot water on, and start spraying. After the water's melted all the snow, I'll heavily salt the driveway and sidewalk to prevent it from freezing over.

I can't lose.

Ironing Out the Problems

I wear a lot of dress shirts. I wear them under sweaters, sweater vests, sports jackets, and sometimes by themselves... though that's seldom. I like wearing collared, button up shirts. What I don't like is ironing them. It's a lot of tedious work. Also, for some reason, many shirts have some sort of "wrinkle memory" where they crease and fold in the same place. The worst is along the vertical fold that houses the buttons. When that's sticking out, you can't even hide that under a sweater. All the non-wrinkling fabrics are far too flowy and silky looking. I don’t want to look like some sort of flashy Arabian prince. I want to look like Mitchell Nertz, and Mitchell Nertz wears dress shirts made from cotton. They can put people into outer space, clone sheep, and transplant organs, but they can’t make me a shirt that doesn’t wrinkle…

Temperature at Hand

I hate it when my hands are a little cold and it impairs my ability to properly gauge the temperature of the water coming out of the tap in order to get a glass of water. The water could be reasonably cold, but I can't detect it because the surface of my hands are cooler and the water just ends up feeling warm. I stand there with my hands under the faucet waiting for the water to get cold and they end up just getting chapped.

Hot by Proxy

This commentary may be a bit dated, but I thought better late than never. I think I've figured out why many people find Natalie Portman (star of the recent Star Wars fiascos) to be attractive. It's a case of something I like to call, "hot by proxy". Stick her in a movie with other females; she's fairly average looking. But put her in the movie with the likes of Jar Jar Binks, Hayden Christensen, Yoda, and a gay robot, then all of a sudden she’s "the hotness".

Banana Fungus?

Has anyone heard about this banana fungus that may potentially wipe out the banana we Americans consume? I have. Do I care? Slightly. You see, as far I'm concerned the only thing the banana has going for it is its convenient organic packaging. There’s no washing required prior to consumption. I can pick up a banana that’s been lying on a pile of road kill, and once peeled, it will be as clean as any other pre-washed hand fruit. The only problem I have with bananas are the taste. It’s trapped in a limbo of mediocrity, neither remarkable, nor awful. Sure, bananas taste ok… but they’re no apple or orange. Most recipes that have banana in them play second fiddle to other fruit based confections containing the likes of blueberries, apples, or strawberries. The artificial flavor version of banana is nothing to get excited over either. Banana flavored candy? Now c’mon! And those banana chips you can buy in bulk at the grocery store can all just go to hell as far as I’m concerned.

The banana is like that kid in school who was unfairly popular because he wore expensive, trendy clothing, but when you actually got to know him / her, there was little substance. Not fair, huh? It’s also not fair that a fruit like a banana be that popular with consumers just because of its peel. It needs to back it up with some flavor.

I tell you, if oranges were easier to peel, there’d be no discussion here.